Quite Random

Star Trek - the White Rabbit Years

Dat der big hole wuz maid ba Gawd aalmighty’s holy flud

Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. Despite promising a prompt review of its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah’s flood rather than by geologic forces, more than three years later no review has ever been done and the book remains on sale at the park, according to documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).

Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility: News Releases.

Oh, the horror. The horror.

Angry Welshman

I had a very surreal conversation last night, one which had me chuckling to myself for a short while afterwards. My mobile rang, and what sounded like a 17–year-old Welsh kid comes on the line:

• “Right you, I got your number off a mate of yours right, you’ve been seen around town with my girlfriend, what have you got to say for yourself?”
• “…. errr” I said.
• “Cos I’m telling you, if I catch you with her again, there’ll be big trouble see?”
• “what’s this mate of mine’s name?”
• “I’m not telling you shit!”
• “Well if you don’t tell me how am I supposed to know what I’ve been doing?”
• “You know perfectly well what you’ve been f***ing doing”
• “I think you’ve got the wrong number mate, I don’t know your girlfriend”
• “Yes you do, don’t you lie to me, you stay the [pauses for dramatic effect] F**K away from her, do you understand me?”
• “What’s her name then?”
• “I know where you live”
• “Where?”
• “I’m telling you I’ll…”
• “No hang on mate, stay on the line, who’s your girlfriend?” I was saying as the irate Welshman hung up.

It looks like I’m in big trouble if I head over Monmouth way.

Celebrity Nutters

Singer Chris de Burgh has said he has healing hands which have “helped reduce pain” for people with injuries.
He told of a golfer who had seriously hurt his leg in an accident, but who began walking again “within 20 minutes” of his form of “alternative therapy”.
“We all have the facilities within our hands to feel other people’s pain spots,” the Irish star told BBC One’s Heaven and Earth programme.
He said his musical work meant he was “connected very strongly” to his hands.

Link: De Burgh tells of ‘healing’ hands

I also feel I have to declare at this point that I am “connected very strongly” to my hands. And my nose, ears, legs and buttocks. Boom boom.

Isn’t it bad enough that De Burgh is responsible for one of the most vomit-inducing songs of all time, but now he claims he has healing powers? I have a vision of him pawing the sick and injured to the tortuous strains of ‘Lady In Red’, and it is making me feel slightly queasy.

De Burgh also claims that we are “surrounded by a strong force”. Yes. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.

Other quiet-news-day headlines in the same vein coming up:

• Rick Astley claims proof of existence of Loch Ness Monster
• Bobby McFerrin insists own eyeball contains tiny universe
• Glen Medeiros brings dead donkey back to life with spittle

Don’t masturbate during Ramadan…

Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled.

Khameini, who is Iran’s most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website : “If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?”

Khameini: Don’t masturbate during Ramadan - News from Israel, Ynetnews.

I’d highly recommend reading this article, especially for the detailed breakdown of whether discharge of fluids while deliberately masturbating represents a break in the Ramadan fast, and the query about what to do with the bits of food stuck between your teeth.

Islam is hilarious!

Sunday just got surreal

Yes, in the absence of any original thoughts or ideas of my own, it’s time to raid YouTube for videos belonging firmly in the ‘Uh?’ category.

Things to hide on your person

She was brought in from the county jail by correctional officers. They were concerned about her altered mental status, and suspicious of drug use. They had a reason to think she was concealing drugs “on her person.”

Movin’ Meat: Delicate Situation.

People are insane.