Quite Random

NFN = Normal for Norfolk

Taken from ‘Medical confessions’ here – watch for these on your patient notes…

Doctor Juma makes it all better

Just been sent this in an email.

This doctor can do it all.

• Swollen body
• Lost lover
• Insanity
• Vomiting all the time
• Remove misunderstanding with anybody

It’s Friday and it’s time to arse about on the Interweb

Cookie says to me I should be linking to more interesting websites – I’m spending a bit too much of my time going on about one-legged lesbian Fairtrade jam makers in Malawi, or something like that.

With Cookie reading it, this blog must have a readership of, meh, four. Some people stumble across it by accident (I look at the web stats, and all I can say to the people who found this site by Googling ‘Kerry Katona masturbating’ is there’s nothing to see here, move along).

OK, so anyone looking for interesting stuff to waste away their afternoon at work on a Friday should look at digg.com (a site where people vote for content they find interesting, which despite apparently being dominated by fifteen year olds who use works like ‘n00b’ and ‘w00t’ actually turns up some interesting stuff).

Apart from Digg, reddit.com is another useful source for links. To save time, you can just go to popurls.com, which presents the most popular content from digg, reddit, del.icio.us, YouTube, and stacks of other websites. Fail to find something interesting to read on Popurls and you really should turn off your computer and go and read a book.

I’m currently enjoying pictures that are very long. The ones below are examples, click on the tiny pictures below to see them full size:

The second picture above, a human evolutionary timeline, suggests that humans have spent the ages either shagging or violently killing each other, so I’m thinking it’s quite accurate.

The amusingly named Japanese company Nobby Tech make very high speed cameras. Very, very high speed cameras. Cue some cool videos of a samurai sword slicing through an egg, a bottle of tea, and a tomato.

Apparently people can read this blog in China – I know as I have tested it using this website. But before getting all steamed up about BBC News and the rest being blocked in China, it’s also worth remembering that it is pretty difficult to get Al Jazeera English in the USA – TV networks in the Land Of The Free are doing a good job of restricting access to Al Jazeera, possibly because:

Al-Jazeera is no friend of America, the American people, or the American government….

and…

if Al-Jazeera makes waves on American cable, then the possibility of suicide bombers in America could lurk close behind.

These quotes are from where? Accuracy in Media’s article, The Invasion of Al-Jazeera. Yes, you heard it folks, Rageh Omaar and Sir David Frost are seeking to subliminally program Muslims everywhere to strap bombs to their bodies.

Sorry, nearly got political there. A lesbian jam-maker nearly felt her ears burn. Back to the stupid stuff, I’ve been laughing like an idiot at Arnold Schwarzenegger sharing his deepest feelings and signing for the deaf on BBC News.

Finally, I am in awe of these photos.

Songs of Praise

Thank you, Adam Buxton. I just laughed until my ear popped.

Beatbox cookup

I meant to blog about my holiday then I got distracted by this.

Don’t.

Lessons learnt from the last week or so:

• Don’t marinade your laptop in red wine. Not only does it do nothing to improve the flavour, it causes irritating stickyness of the keyboard, and imparts the laptop with a completely random ability to click on things for you when you least expect it. A lot.
• Don’t tell a workmate she looks like a ninja seductress from a Bruce Lee movie. She is liable to start looking at you ‘a bit funny’, and may consider a harassment action, even if you thought you were paying a compliment.
• Don’t accidentally forward on the flippant,  sarcastic comments of colleagues to other colleagues when passing on an enquiry as the other colleagues may get the impression that that first colleague is unprofessional. Even when, no, especially when they are a Director.
• Don’t blog about it. Ahem.
• Don’t scream abuse at the TV whenever Kerry Katona is in an Iceland advert. She can’t hear and she doesn’t care.
• Don’t allow yourself to get wound up by the fact that the US is always at the top of lists of countries in those little drop-down boxes you get on forms on the Internet. It isn’t worth it. Even though it is wrong, wrong, wrong.
• Don’t start writing a philosophical diatribe about life, the universe and everything when it’s already very late. You’ll just end up getting nowhere and writing a list of things not to do.

Don’t masturbate during Ramadan…

Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid, Iranian Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khameini has ruled.

Khameini, who is Iran’s most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website : “If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?”

Khameini: Don’t masturbate during Ramadan - News from Israel, Ynetnews.

I’d highly recommend reading this article, especially for the detailed breakdown of whether discharge of fluids while deliberately masturbating represents a break in the Ramadan fast, and the query about what to do with the bits of food stuck between your teeth.

Islam is hilarious!