Office spam

OK, so you who do not work in an office, you think you have it rough with spam? What, the occasional email get through about how to grow a big one that women will love through the miracle of cheap \ I A G R @!!!, how to buy a Russian bride, how to get a diploma in something from the college of somewhere, how to make a million from a Nigerian prince? Gonna cry? Pah.

In the office, the spam is flowing thick and fast, and you get to read all of it, because spam filters don’t filter internal communications for banal tripe about cakes and leaving cards, though Christ knows they should.

Jane’s leaving card is coming round the office, please sign and pass it on

It’s my birthday! Cakes at the end of my desk.

I’m back from holiday! Sweets from France on my desk.

Leftover sandwiches from the lunchtime meeting are at Kate’s desk.

Anyone for the pub tonight?

Has anyone seen a laptop charger?

Has anyone seen Jane’s leaving card?

I’m lonely and frightened, is anybody there?

I like cats!

Echooo… e-chooooooo….

Could whoever has Jane’s leaving card please return it to my desk? I’ve just been on holiday so whoever brings it back can have some Greek biscuits!

Ban all internal business email and the UK would be out of recession and back on track in a chuffing week.