Quite Random

No news is just no news

There’s little to report at the moment – life goes on, it’s getting so hot that everything is starting to feel like hard work, and Siem Reap remains a curiosity, a town that’s developing fast while remaining random, quaint, and cut off from whatever I thought was reality. Coca Cola want to put big promotional awnings up at our local bar, KFC are moving in to Cambodia, and in five years this place could look like Vegas or Piccadilly Circus, Starbucks serving frappucinos to hoards of Koreans and employing security guards at the door to keep out the children selling roses for one dollar. Who knows.

Some observations:

1. Someone told me that Khmer family planning was what happened when you can’t fit any more children on your motorbike.
2. Being in Cambodia means accepting a permanent state of greasiness.
3. I got all disgruntled when, in my first couple of weeks here, a Khmer official from the Department of Animal Welfare was five minutes late for our meeting. Now I think he is one of the most punctual people I have met here.
4. Khmer weddings appear to last for three days because a) if you had a twenty minute window like in England no-one would show up (see 3), b) they’re getting their money’s worth, c) no-one can drink dozens of bottles of Hennessey and Johnnie Walker Black that fast, and d) it takes three days to recover from the effort of putting up the purple marquee and loudspeakers the size of family hatchbacks.
5. The Macarena is compulsory listening at all Khmer weddings, and parties.
6. In Cambodia, all amplifiers and speaker systems have been modified allowing you to turn them up to 11.
7. In a rural area a lady may be sat under a large Coca Cola parasol with an ice box. Ask her for Coca Cola and you will receive sugar cane juice. It is better that Coca Cola and possibly contains less sugar.
8. Attempt to communicate with some people in Khmer and you will either be a) immediately understood with a loud exclamation of “oh you speak Khmer!” b) laughed at and corrected with what sounds like exactly the same word or c) expected to wait while someone dashes off to find their brother who speaks English because what you just said went straight over their head.
9. The Khmer words for apple, vagina and fart sound very similar, leading to potential difficulties if ordering fruit, gratification or medication. Other words that sound similar include monkey and mango.
10. I ate lunch in the market the other day and was served by a boy who likes men but not boys and a girl who dresses like a boy who likes girls but not boys. So that was a gay boy and a gay boylady. No sign of any ladyboys, they’re not usually out at lunchtime.
11. Common exchanges in Khmer include a) ‘hello pretty girl!’, ‘hello handsome man!’ b) ‘you’re crazy’, ‘no, I’m not crazy you’re crazy’, or c) ‘you’re a monkey’, ‘no, you’re a monkey’, ‘you just called me a mango’.