Quite Random

In bits

Alan Bennett wrote in his first collection of diaries ‘Writing Home’ how he kept his diary on scraps of paper, whatever was handy at the time. He also wrote when he had the time and inclination, not religiously and every day. I’m with Alan. Lately I just can’t keep this blogging lark up. Thing is, masses is happening, I just don’t have the energy to commit it all to keyboard, and most of it isn’t worth remembering anyway. Blogging isn’t really about detailed diary-keeping anyway (well, for some people). Blogging is all about edited highlights. I have a lot going on, just not a lot that would make it into edited highlights. If you saw a movie trailer of the last few weeks you’d probably decide to wait for the movie to come out on DVD, and even then you’d only buy it in the sales out of curiosity. Actually, you’d probably leave it to come on the telly and watch it one night because there was nothing else on. Hell, I wouldn’t watch it. QI’s on the other side.

A year ago yesterday I was sat in the VIP lounge at Santiago Airport, nursing a hangover, sleeping on the sofa, taking advantage of free snacks and waiting to go to Peru to walk the Inca Trail, my stomach still engorged from the fantastic food and wine of Argentina. Where will I be a year from now? Mmm. The idea for the next trip is germinating.

What are your qualifications?

This was a question I was asked in the office today. I responded with “I have A-Level English”. This was met with a blank expression for a moment, before the asker realised that this wasn’t the answer they were after, and proceeded to ask what qualifications I had to do with Web or Intranet work. None, I said.

“OK, I’ll make something up” came the response.

I have no idea what it was to with, but I believe it was connected to keeping me in a job, so I probably shouldn’t ask.

If I had a fiver for every weird question I got asked at work, I’d have enough for a nice holiday somewhere sunny. On my own private custom-built planet.

New what?

Richard Dawkins finds the title ‘New Atheist’ laughable, and so do I. What the hell is a New Atheist? Am I a New Atheist or an Old Atheist? Are New Atheists trendier, better looking or richer? According to the Dilbert Blog, New Atheists are now also New Gays. This is getting absurd. Dawkins compared the plight of atheists in the US to that of gays thirty or so years ago, so giving birth to another crazy nickname. Atheists are accused by the religious of being religious themselves (the line ‘you believe there is no god’, so oft-repeated, suggests that Atheism is itself a faith position), so all in all, I might be part of some weird new religion called the New Gays. I don’t want to be a New anything. There’s a time limit on being New unless you’re watching the News, and look how New Labour turned out.

…then two come along at once

From not having been to the cinema in ages, I saw Borat the other week, and I’m seeing Casino Royale tonight. Really looking forward to Casino Royale, I’ve heard nothing but good things about it (except Kim Newman in Empire was less than enthusiastic about Chris Cornell’s theme song – but then I’m slightly less than enthusiastic about Chris Cornell).

Borat was indecently, cringe-makingly, uncontrollably funny. I was thinking about some lofty analysis of the innocent abroad and how he was able to shine a light on a whole range of idiosynchratic, unusual and bigoted behaviour in the people he met – but then Borat gets into a naked wrestling match with his producer Azamat, and all that goes out of the window. I laughed until my cheeks hurt.

Friday is here, but you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from any other day. This office is near empty by half four most days of the week - I have no idea where they’re all hiding. I think maybe they’re in meetings. People who get in to work early and leave early are really clever – the time between 8 and 10 in an office is gone before you have even blinked, so all you have to do is rock up for 8, blink, and it’s lunchtime. Then you can go early because you got in for 8. Clever swines. I would try it if only I could be bothered to get out of bed in the mornings.

Flying Spaghetti Monster sighted

His Noodliness has been seen in Germany! All hail His Noodliness!

Welcome back, did you have a nice week off?

Ug.

One week off, and now it’s back to work. After a break I always feel like I’m cocooned in a warm, fuzzy glow of relaxation and well-being… then I get to the office and know that all I have to do is count the minutes until that sensation is shot to hell.

9:58. Yep. There it goes.