Quite Random

Relaxation

A cute, furry creature that goes ‘eek’ and our country’s pre-eminent naturalist, with a voice more comforting than mashed potato. Now breathe slowly. Ahhh.

Webcameron? Ohhh, I get it…

Dave is now giving speeches from his kitchen via his new blogging site, Webcameron. For those of you who don’t get the pun, it’s like Webcam with ‘eron’ on the end. Yep. That one actually took me a second.

Dave is desperate to show us that he is a compassionate, modern Conservative, an oxymoron to start with. His speechlets are interrupted by his darling child somewhere in the background whittering about finishing her bread and jam, and his washing up is done with Ecover washing up liquid. How homely.

I use Ecover as I am a left-wing Guardian-reading wooly liberal who thinks he can save the planet by buying Ecover products - presumably, I was supposed to see Dave using Ecover and welcome his to my bosom immediately as a kindred spirit.

Labour is currently running a campaign called Dave the Chameleon, highlighting the apparent ‘flip-flops’ in Cameron’s political stance so far. Dave the Chameleon, and Webcameron, are both amusing ideas, and Webcameron is certainly an innovative way of engaging with the electorate, considering that previously, initiatives to increase public access to politicians using the web as a medium had been through sites like Write to Them.

Cameron is infuriating - he says all the right things, looks earnest, isn’t smeared by scandal, had his party’s symbol changed to an oak tree… it’s just he’s a Conservative. No, that’s not it, he’s a politician.

Damned addictive Interwebby chocolatey-based movie-themed marketing thingummyjig

This is infuriating but highly enjoyable - find the movie titles hidden in the visual clues. Go back to it by saving your game, or just do what I do and lose hours of your life in one sitting.

I got Silence of the Lambs pretty quickly, but some of this is going to get seriously annoying.

www.darkjustgotfun.com

Words in their mouths

Today’s commuting experience was a joy, as always. I habitually enter the train and, upon finding no seats available, go to the end of the carriage, where I turn and face the whole length of the carriage. The multivarious pissed-off looking expressions of the people making their way in to work are always a treat. Most of the time I blend in with one of my own, but sometimes I feel out of place when I crack a smile and someone looks at me suspiciously, like I just spotted something hanging from their nostril. When someone else has a smile on their face, I can’t help but smile back, trying to figure out what the hell they’re so happy about at 8:20 in the morning.

Often, I think people just smile to themselves because a thought is in their mind that is so enjoyable, warming or reassuring that they can’t conceal their feelings. A woman on the train from Aguas Calientes to Ollantaytambo in Peru last year alternated between reading her book and looking out over the river and forest passing by the train, an utterly serene smile on her face. I thought it was the book, then I realised I should have had the same smile - I was having one of the best times of my life, but her face said it all, whereas my face just indicated that my knees were knackered and I’d paid too much for lunch.

Maybe it’s a waste of time trying to interpret people’s emotions - I usually get a smile on my face as the train passes Battersea Dog’s Home and I catch sight of a wagging tail in the exercise yard, but someone might interpret that as some kind of religious or philosophical epiphany. Nevertheless, I always end up keeping myself amused on the train by trying to work out what’s in people’s heads. Based on this morning’s facial expressions, that included:

• I fell on my face running up the stairs and made a twat of myself, and now you’re looking at me and you think I’m a twat as well don’t you? This is just the start to the day I needed…
• I’ve got such a sweaty bottom that my cheeks are sort of sliding up against each other, and it’s making me paranoid that I’ve pood myself, so now I’ll have to get in a toilet cubicle at work and check, even though it’s not that oh bollocks I knew I shouldn’t have worn this jumper
• I hate all of you and I hope you die
• Do I have something hanging from my nose?
• Four weeks till my holiday four weeks till my holiday four weeks till my holiday four weeks till my holiday
• Keep reading the book, don’t look up whatever you do.
• My new iPod is shiny and clean, my white headphones are beautiful, behold all of you as I shuffle my genres!
• You’d better believe I look good with these shades on, beatch.

This doesn’t work with the people who get on at Wandsworth Common. They’re all lawyers, experts at hiding their emotions.

Sunday just got surreal

Yes, in the absence of any original thoughts or ideas of my own, it’s time to raid YouTube for videos belonging firmly in the ‘Uh?’ category.

Things to hide on your person

She was brought in from the county jail by correctional officers. They were concerned about her altered mental status, and suspicious of drug use. They had a reason to think she was concealing drugs “on her person.”

Movin’ Meat: Delicate Situation.

People are insane.

Arrrr!

Yarrr! It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Avast, ye bilge rats! Scrub the poop deck and polish the bung hole! Drink a Salty Dog to the memory of the finest thievin’ pirates in Davy Jones’ locker! Walk the plank! Smartly, me lass and admire me hornpipe! Arrrrr!

Pirates be special people and our forefathers, so say the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Arrr. Aye, me parrot concurs.