Quite Random

Elbow

Last night a friend and I saw Elbow play at Somerset House – and it was utterly fantastic. I discovered Elbow through an animation about a bunch of Northern kittens singing Independent Woman (of all places). I got a copy of their album Cast of Thousands, and that was it. Grace Under Pressure is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard.

The setting – the wide-open courtyard of Somerset House, and the atmosphere – friendly and happy, was great. The performance was brilliant. I spent most of the night with a big gormless smile on my face, as did most of other people in the audience. Great live music really is an unforgettable experience – note to self: must see more. For the time being, I’ve seen my favourite band – and they were brill.

Work experience

We’ve got a school student in on work experience – a willing young person seeking vital experience of a professional working environment. Nevertheless he ended up with us for the day.

So far, we’ve appointed him as a director, he’s sacked us all, called me a monkey, and we are shortly expecting to have to seek consent from him to leave our seats. He imparted some useful advice to me at lunchtime – apparently, if you inject a slug with vinegar, it explodes.

It’s not real, dear

Oh dear. Dear me. It reminds me of when War of the Worlds was first broadcast on CBS, and panicked US citizens had to be reassured that the world was not in fact being invaded.

This blog entry includes an impassioned appeal against abortion, the writer reacting in disgust against the very pro-abortion stance of an article on… The Onion. The Onion is, and I thought everyone knew this, a spoof news site, but this obviously went over the head of this poor pro-lifer. Did the article’s title – “I am totally psyched for this abortion!” not set any alarm bells ringing in their mind?

The anti-abortionist responds to comments made in the article, including

If my HMO wouldn’t have bowed to [the pro-life movement’s] pressure not to cover oral contraceptives, I never would’ve gotten pregnant in the first place.

…which is a real and legitimate point, from what I understand of the absurd situation in the US caused by the political lobbying and threats perpetrated by the pro-life movement. The Onion here, as with many of its articles, is using satire to great effect – but the sad thing is that the blogger thinks they are commenting on the views of a real person.

Does it really matter? Onion writes fake article, conveying genuine argument. Real anti-abortionist responds. Real anti-abortionist is too stupid to realise that the article is satire. I’m tempted to think this isn’t remotely surprising, after all.

How did the Internet work before broadband?

I’m on the Internet at home – using dial-up. No broadband yet. It is un

believe

ably

slow.

Really, really painfully slow.

How did we manage before broadband came along? This is like pulling teeth.

Wrong number

On Saturday, I sent a text message to what I thought was a friend’s mobile phone, to thank them for sending me an eyepiece for my camera, for nothing. No reply for a while. Then,

Who is this please? Text, don’t ring.

I replied, thinking maybe he’d got confused or didn’t recognise my number…

It’s Nathan, just wanted to say thanks for the eyepiece, not some random weirdo!

Then a pause, before the reply came through,

I not sent u eyepiece.

Oh. I sent back

Very sorry to have bothered you. Removing your number.

Then a reply I wasn’t quite expecting:

That’s OK – I’m John (not his real name) btw. Are u into photos and/or videos on ur mobile phone?

I decided not to reply, maybe he’d take that as a no. He didn’t.

Is that a no then? Text if so.

I sent back

No ta. Bye.

Then a final message:

OK fair enough u into adult dvds

I didn’t reply to this last one, and so far, John hasn’t got back to me.

The moral of this story – check your phone numbers are up to date, or you could end up discussing porn with complete strangers.

Procedure for dealing BT Customer Services

• Learn to love hold music, the ringing tone, and the words “Can I just put you on hold?”
• Develop a tough fingertip to withstand entering digit after digit-worth of choices into an automated menu system
• Accept that you are quite likely to have to explain your problem from the beginning to fifteen different people
• Accept that these fifteen different people are quite likely to give you totally contradictory advice
• Anticipate your problem being exacerbated by faults being raised, numbers being changed, account numbers being lost and engineers being called, when none of these were necessary in the first place
• Be prepared to take five minutes entering choices into an automated menu system before being played a recorded message with some useless advice, before you are eventually cut off with a ‘Thank you – goodbye’
• Be prepared to speak with men and women from India, Northern England, Wales, and wherever else BT hide them
• Take some a) Prozac b) Valium c) Night Nurse d) Gin e) All of the above
• Scrap the sodding lot of it and try using a tin can with a piece of string, a homing pigeon, a horseback messenger, or other means to communicate.

Quoteworthy quote

“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.”
Andy Rooney