The C word
It makes me cringe. I find it offensive. It’s cheap, tacky, overused, and I’d hate to be called one.
Celebrity.
Celebrity Wrestling, Celebrity Boxing, Celebrity Big Brother, I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Celebrity Come Dancing, Celebrity Stars in Their Eyes, Celebrity Fit Club, 100 best this that and the others. A barrage of bollocks all in order to secure a talentless slapper from Essex or an alcoholic ex-soap star another three years worth of nightclub PAs before they slip back into obscurity, and fill the TV schedules with cheap, recycled filler, the televisual equivalent of bubble and squeak.
Tonight on TV, Tom Parker-Bowles is cooking something. Why anyone gives a dingo’s kidney what Tom Parker Bowles likes to eat is beyond me, but apparently not beyond the person who commissioned the program. People in TV land seem to live in another world from most, one where Davina McCall makes a good chat show host, what Tom Parker-Bowles likes to eat matters to anyone other than Tom Parker-Bowles, and Chantelle Houghton holds any more entertainment value than picking your nose.
Programmes I’d like to see:
Celebrity Battle Royale – a group of celebrities get put on a small Japanese Island, and have three days to kill each other off. They all wear collars which explode if they break any rules, and everyone’s collars explode if there is more than one survivor. Presented by Davina McCall, who explodes on the third day.
Celebrity Moonshot – a group of celebrities are shot into the moon. That’s it.
Celebrity Restrained Awards Ceremony – a group of celebrities have to go to an awards ceremony without getting shitfaced on free champagne, stumbling into each other in the foyer, and getting into a fight with a photographer outside a nightclub.
Celebrity Modern Art – Kerry Katona, Jodie Marsh, Jade Goody, Adam Rickitt, Tom Cruise, Westlife, Jordan, Peter Andre, Donatella Versace, Mick Hucknall, and anyone who has ever been on Big Brother are pickled in perspex cases by Damien Hirst. And then shot into the moon.
Quite Random is the blog of Nathan Nelson, a human male who lives in the UK and is not entirely sure what he's going to do when he grows up but is interested in international development, photography, secularism, technology, music and movies and other things anyone of his age would be.
Oh, come on now - bubble and squeak’s rather good! Ready Brek? Smash? Budget sausages with all those ‘reclaimed’ bits?
Smash. I like that, yes, Smash. Smash and budget sausages. Mmm… [bwooaaarrrrr!]
Now I hope your wrath doesn’t include The Games which is tv genius. Get a load of C list celebrities and make them do sport and watch them suffer. It combines the joy of celebrity pain with the visual stimuli of sport, the world’s favourite past time.
No, I think as long as there’s a genuine element of effort being displayed on the part of the sleb, it’s legitimate entertainment. However, watching Dennis Rodman trying to shag anything that moves is not. Which is why he gets to go in the rocket.