It’s a beautiful day. Amazing what blue sky and sunshine does for the soul. That’s until about two o’clock this afternoon when the sun starts shining in the living room window and slowly heating the flat up until I’m sat here sweating like a Swede in a sauna. But that’s a short way away still.
I’m closing down my company after eight years. Nothing to do with the recession – it has been withering away for the last few years by itself. I started my own business because no-one would give me the job I wanted, so I decided to give it to myself. After about a year, having accumulated a huge personal debt, it turns out I shouldn’t have given myself the job either. I started off doing web design work for small businesses, became a reseller for Actinic selling e-commerce software, and ended up with a modest portfolio of very modest websites – a school here, a florist there. Nothing big. The main problem I had was that I don’t have a commercial bone in my body – when people asked me how much something was likely to cost, I found the question embarrassing and didn’t like to say. That’s no way to run a business. It all felt like doing people favours.
There’s also the nagging feeling that I just wasn’t very good at what I did.
Fortunately, contract work in London came along, saved my bacon, and after a few disjointed years of travel, volunteering and whatever work has been available, the company has wasted away to nothing. That said, even if you don’t do anything with it, you still get letters from Companies House, VAT returns, accounts and other paperwork. With the company in its death throes as I write, final returns being sent off, the paperwork will die off too, and thank goodness.
The original idea was to start a business, try it for a year and see what happened, and eight years later it has proven to be an interesting experiment. I might do it again, but I’d do it very differently, not least because my ambitions and interests are very different. A lot of people have companies that allow them to do small contract jobs, and I could have kept mine going for such a purpose, but if I need that I’ll start again – for the time being, closing this one down feels like hoovering up the fluff behind the fridge or having a good spring clean. I’m in the mood for a bit of life laundry.
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