Reply to all

It’s evil.

In the work environment, petty squabbles snowball to become all-out battles of words, people finding ever more polite ways to tell each other to fuck off, and all for the benefit of an ever-growing list of recipients, people who really need to read this. It’s either copy them in now, or send it to them later with an ‘FYI’ at the top… ‘can you believe what they said? Mm? No. Me neither’. A pause between each new message addressed to all and sundry, a haitus between each new response. It’s like listening to an argument at a Quakers meeting.

In your personal life, reply to all is all about the banter. Someone wants to organise a party / night out / dinner / weekend in Blackpool. They e-mail everyone they have ever met, including a really confused Dutch guy they got drunk with in Bangkok four years ago. Someone hits ‘reply to all’ with a witty retort, because when you’re all on the same mailing list, well, you’re all friends aren’t you? No. Few people know each other, the ones that do phone each other, and the Dutch guy spends the next five years even more confused as to why he keeps getting sent viruses by a hairdresser from Bracknell he has never met.

So. Ban the ‘reply to all’ button.

What else would I like to ban today?

• The guy outside Brixton Tube in the mornings shouting ‘Metro Metro Metro!’ as if he’s feeding pigs.
• The sight of Jade Goody in tears. For pity’s sake. It’s like a sea lion with conjunctivitis.
• Waking up and feeling more tired than when you went to bed.
• January.

I like lists.

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